Things in the Queendom are surely not the way I thought they'd be right now. You make plans for something but things don't always turn out the way you plan. Melodrama is not intended, but things are just so hard for me, personally, right now. Have I mentioned before that patience is not my virtue? Because, trust me. It is not!
I want to be in my own home again. Not the house we own out of state, but a new place where we can establish our own household again and call home. Just the four of us. Just us. And the dog. Just us.
I want to use my own things again. My dishes, and pots and pans. My silverware, my cool craft stuff, my towels and my blankets. I want to use my own washing machine and dryer. And oddly, I want to use my own computer again, too. I'd love to have all my great picture frames hanging on walls that I walk by every day. I want to establish the normality I once knew. I have a state of normal now, but its a new one created to fit this situation. It works for us, but its not our ultimate goal for our state of being.
In a month and a few days it will be one whole year since we moved here. I thought that we would have been in our own place months ago. But it isn't so. And I know that things happen for a reason. I'm not saying that this isn't where we should be, but its just frustrating. Its frustrating to want something that's righteous, but not be able to have it yet for reasons that you don't understand.
Again, no melodrama intended. I'm a pretty happy person. I just needed to vent and validate my feelings in a "public" sort of way. It makes it more real for me and I will be able to cope with it on a less "surreal" way.
As a side note, my parents officially retire today! A celebration has been planned. :-D
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4 comments:
Believe me, Shar, I totally understand where you’re coming from. Anna and I could have written that line—“It’s frustrating to want something that's righteous, but not be able to have it yet for reasons that you don't understand”—a dozen times over.
I’d say it’ll get better (cuz I know it will), but those words are especially hollow when we, too, are still sitting here wondering when.
Anyway, {{{hugs}}}.
Thanks Jeff. I still appreciate the encouragement, even knowing where you stand. They will get better. I know it. It's the patience I'm struggling with right now. Ugh!
But I still send hugs back!!
I know it's tough for you guys right now. I think I felt the same kind of frustration when we were trying so hard to get our house sold. We couldn't understand why we felt that we were inspired to move to Maryland but then felt the Lord needed to do His part by helping us get our house sold (at least that was my own prideful way of thinking).
For reasons we still don't know (nor do I think we'll ever know)we had to wait for over 2 years for that to happen, but it stands as a testament to me now that things do change, even if it's not in our timeline.
It kinduv reminds me of the people who fled with Alma to the Waters of Mormon who were later discovered by another one of King Noah's priests, who placed taskmasters over Alma's people. Even then, in perhaps the direst of situations, the Lord did not remove their burdens altogether, but because of their faith-filled prayers and cheerful attitudes He did see fit to make the burdens seem light.
For what it's worth, I have been thinking/praying for you guys to get word about Ben's job situation every day for almost a week straight now. God has good things in store for you. Hang in there!
Eddie, your words meant more than you know. Thanks!
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