Thursday, February 26, 2009

How does one know?

I'm feeling a little anxious. There are lots of little things going on in our lives right now while we wait for a couple of big things to come along. We're waiting to hear back from some jobs that Ben has applied to. What are the chances that he'll get called in for an interview? What are the odds that he'll get hired right away? There are so many questions...
I keep myself occupied with normal daily things. I clean the house, I do dishes, I make dinner, I play with Benny, bathe the boys, go to church, watch TV....I mean, the list goes on and on. The point is that I keep myself busy. But while I have this routine of mine I also think a lot about the things to come. When are we finally going to move? When will Ben be hired with a new job? Will be have a short period of time between when we know we're leaving and when we leave?
I worry about other things, too. Will we be able to sell this house? Will we at least be able to rent it? Will we be able to close on a house out there quickly enough so that we don't have to live in an apartment or with family?
I'm a little anxious, too, because I don't know how much longer we'll be here. I thought that by now we would have been gone, but we aren't. So I wonder how much longer we have. I'm happy that we're still here, though. My family means the world to me and it breaks my heart every time I think about leaving them here. I get sad to think about leaving my home. Our children were conceived in this house, Benny learned how to crawl and walk in this house. This was our first house. We also have very dear friends that I am very saddened to leave behind. I'm also very excited to be closer to my parents and to start fresh-with a different house, different ward, different friends, different job. We're excited!

All this being said, I have been having "feelings." I feel that things are going to change soon. March is going to be a determining month. I don't know what will happen in March. I am not sure if we will move in March or if we will simply know when we're moving. Perhaps Ben will get a job offer in March. I don't know. But I have a "feeling." I trust this and begin to agree that its the Spirit. But then I question myself and think that it's not. But then I go back and agree again that indeed it is the Spirit. Ben feels the same way I do about March, so that makes me think even more that perhaps it is the Spirit. How does one know, for sure? I'm afraid to have "hope" and then it all be just my desires. But still...its a "feeling," one that I can't shake.

Time will tell, I suppose...

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Better day!!

Today has been a great day, thus far!! The sun is shining in through all the open blinds in the house. It looks so cheery outside, despite the fierce cold I know is out there. I woke up and did my regular routine-feeding the boys, changing diapers, cleaning up a bit from last night's living room messes, etc. No migraine today! I went downstairs and was determined to work out! Ezra was asleep and Benny was content to come downstairs with me. I worked out for a half hour and it was much easier than the last time. WooHoo!! I am determined to stay hydrated today, too. I know that lack of enough water gives me headaches, too.

I'm going to a "girls night" tonight. Beading and for me, some sewing. I am going to learn how to make the greatest towels ever! Homemade kids' towels with hoodies! I can't wait!! I have been wanting to sew something for a while, but just haven't been able due to time and kids, and stuff of that sort. So tonight I will take advantage and get my sew-on! lol I have many projects that I want to work on, but they are on hold until after we move, since all the materials are packed.

Anyway, its been a great day! I think the rest of the day will be, too! My attitude definitely plays a part in all this!

Wednesday, February 18, 2009


It seems like will power plays a large part in my daily life. I can say I don't feel like doing this, or doing that, but wanting something badly enough can make that "laziness" dissipate into something doable.
I felt horrible today, having woken up this morning with a bad migraine. I felt like laying and doing nothing, but I persevered and had a productive day. I did some "yard work," cleaning off of our back deck and taking trash out to the curb along with heavy recycling bins. I also sorted through some stuff in a suitcase, picked up after Benny and even made dinner.
My head has been hurting throughout the day, but it did get better, too. I wasn't able to get all that I wanted to get done today, but I did something, and that's good enough, I suppose. I have to remember that one day won't kill me. Tomorrow will be a new day, full of other opportunities and other events.
Being healthy is definitely my #1 priority right now, so I need to make sure I don't over work myself and make myself feel worse. But I know I'm doing all I can and I know that if I have self discipline, my will power will come to save me! I made great choices today and despite not having a lot of things checked off on today's To Do List, I feel great!

Friday, February 13, 2009


OK! So we are officially starting to live healthier. We've been wanting to lose some weight, but have decided that the right way to do it was to change our habits, and not just diet. So we start on Monday. I'm nervous and excited all at once. Lets see how it goes!

Poor Benny has a terrible diaper rash. Its due to the antibiotics he's taking for his ear infections. Its quite an ordeal to change diapers right now. The nurse I spoke to told me that I have to soak his bum in warm water for 10 minutes with every diaper change and then let it air dry or dry it with a blow dryer. I have been using the blow dryer and when I first turn it on (with every diaper change) Benny freaks out and screams. Then I have to apply A&D ointment and then get him all dressed again. We have a cream/ointment that we have to put on him twice a day, too. Poor little guy. At least he doesn't seem bothered by the rash. He must also think Mommy has gone crazy because he's had so many "baths" in one day. He has LOVED it, though! So much fun! :-)

Ezra has been sleeping on his own for the past 3 nights. I hope it continues! Pumping has also been going well and he's been getting breast milk from a bottle once a day close to every day for the past week. Its been nice for Daddy to help feed Ezra!

One of the houses we've been looking at in Jersey went down another $5000. Maybe it will go down some more!

I have overdue library books! The library even called to remind me-whoops!

I have the new "The Fray" CD and its awesome!

I watched a neat half hour special on Gladys Knight and the Saints United Voices Choir on BYU TV. It made me think back to the time I met Gladys Knight. I was 15 or 16 and she came to church at my branch. She ended up coming to Young Women with us and she shared her conversion story. She was so sweet. She hugged all of us and kissed us. It was an amazing experience.

On Monday the 16th BYU TV is having a special on Janice Kapp Perry on a show called LDS Lives. We have the DVR ready to record it. It made me think of her visit to our stake not too long ago. Ben and I gave her and her husband a ride to church while they were here. They came to our branch to speak and it was just wonderful. It was an unforgettable experience. Benny was only a few months old and Sister Perry held him and kissed him a bunch. :-) She even autographed my "Children's Songbook."

Today has been a good day. A long one, but a good one!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

My two little guys...

Ezra is now 2 months old and Benny is 20 months old. They are my world! Both emotionally and literally-Ben can attest to the latter. lol We badly need some Mommy&Daddy time. Hopefully a child-free date night wil arrive soon!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

We finally made it outside!

The weatherman said it was going to be 68 degrees today. Yesterday, I planned out this great adventure of going to the park and having a picnic. I made sure we had clean clothes ( I was doing like 8 loads of laundry since this morning) and made a yummy lunch consisting of PB&J sandwiches, grapes, goldfish crackers, capri sun and fruit snacks. I packed the lunch, dressed the kids and waited for Ben to get home from work (1pm-ish). We went to a local park, got out of the car and realized it was chillier than expected. As we got to the playground we saw signs that said it was for ages 5-12. We attempted, but very quickly realized Benny was just too young for the playground.

So off we went, back into the car to another park we knew would have what we wanted. Benny threw a fit of course, but we pulled through and arrived a few minutes later. We had fun on the swings and on the slide and even on a horsey that was on a huge spring. Benny seemed to have more fun just walking down the path of the park. I took my camera to take pictures, but was unsuccessful at taking the camera out and actually using it. More to follow on that.

We then walked to a picnic table under a shelter area and we sat down to have our late lunch. Ezra started crying some and Benny fussed, so he sat on Daddy's lap. We really enjoyed our lunch-it was delicious, but we ate very quickly. It was CHILLY! I don't think the weatherman's predictions came to be. It had to be a lot lower, plus it was windy. We made it to the car with pink, runny, and cold noses. The sun started to shine through the cloudy sky as we were making it to the car and I stopped to enjoy some sunlight on my face as I fought the shivers. I was sad at not having taken any pictures, but I was just too cold to get the camera out. The sky wasn't very pretty and our faces were red. The wind was blowing harder than we expected, too. But we needed to get out! We needed to feel like Winter hadn't taken over our lives. Today it was in the lower to mid 60's-tomorrow its supposed to be 59 and rainy. So I'm glad we took advantage of the "nicer" weather today.

It was worth it, though. I can't wait until Spring arrives. I need more sun, more warmth and more fun days at the park with my 3 favorite guys.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

this will be funny only if you read my previous "$30,000..." post

my parents are flying to mexico for a wedding in the next week or so. my mom told me that she bought a nice big box of cherry filled chocolates for my cousin Josue. She's going to tell him that they're from Benjamin. lol

I just had to share...

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Habitual Behavior

I was just thinking this morning about the things that we do that are habitual. For example, I "roll" toilet paper onto my hand off of the roll in a particular way and I've been doing it that way since as long as I can remember. I sit at the computer desk a certain way, with my feet crossed and legs folded underneath my chair. I put my pants on one leg at a time, but I always start with my right leg. I button my buttons the same way every time. I even change diapers in a particular way and order-the same way since the very first diaper I changed on Benny. My dishes are washed the same way every time and even the way I wipe the table down is the same.
My point is not that I am a boring person and do things monotonously, because this is not so since I am talking about menial things, things that are done subconsciously. My point is that I am a creature of habit as I'm sure everyone else is, too. I will share one habit that is pretty unique to me, and hopefully you can share one of yours.

When I go to bed at night I take my socks off and put a fresh, clean pair on. In the morning when I wake up I take that pair off and put another fresh, clean one on and then I put my slippers on. I do this every day. Every single day. lol It just makes me feel clean, somehow.
What's your habit?

Before I end, though, I need to share my victory from last night! Ezra slept on his own in his bassinet for 4 hours last night! I finally got to sleep by myself (well, with Ben, but without a baby in my arms!!)